PURSUIT – A Matter of Choice: A Novel – Chapter 1, Scene 2 – Blinded by the Light

 

Lungs filled like someone blowing up a balloon. As shrill wheeze emanated from Jeremy’s throat as he exhaled. His chest swelled again. Eyes popped open. Twin water spots on the ceiling goggled at him. They seemed familiar. Where am I?

He propped himself up on his elbows and surveyed the gloomy room. Budweiser cans scattered on the floor. TV screen twinkled static. Clock flashed digital red—4:44. Pink Floyd poster ripped through the colored rays. Papers and books strewn in a tornadic mess.

But the supermodel remained unharmed, her ivory smile leering at his nakedness.

Where are my clothes? Across the room, hooks hung vacant.

Am I still in a dream? Was It a dream?

Hesitantly, he patted his neck. Sticky goo. Examined his hands—bloody. Caked fingernails. Nose tingled. Rubbed it with the back of his hand. Fresh blood.

It was not a dream.

I am with you, a voice that was not his own echoed in his throbbing head. That voice. He had heard that unique voice before, but where? When?

His eyes flitted to the ceiling, the corners, around the room, searching . . . but nothing lurked.

A cool wisp brushed his shoulder. He jerked his head to its source. A shattered window. How did that happen? Shards of glass sprinkled on the floor.

You have received the power of my Spirit. That thundering voice again—in his head, this time.

He swiveled his eyes around the room—the doorway open to the dark hallway.

You will be my witness wherever you go—that same commanding voice.

He examined his feet. He could wiggle his toes!

What was It that had strangled him . . . to what seemed like death?

Receive me as your first love, and you will be a new creation, a new man, said a soothing voice between his ears.

Puzzled by the words, he searched his mushy mind. He skimmed the room, trying to make sense of it all. He closed his eyes and filled his lungs. Breathing never felt so good. Inky blackness swirled his inner world. He curled up on the bed, nestled his head on the pillow, and hugged it as this scene unfolded like a movie reel in his mind that engaged all of his senses. . . .

Spidery web of lightning penetrates the darkness.

Smoky wisps shroud the radiant orb with churning fingertips so close I could reach out and touch them.

An explosion of intense brilliance. The white light collapses inward to form a glowing ball. The sphere shoots a pure-white shaft that divides the darkness.

My visual screen blacks out.

Burnt motor oil tinges my nostrils.

Warm dampness swathes my face.

Cool mist sprinkles.

An over-exposed image is torn in two, its jagged edges forming a horizontal bolt. Hazy shades of white trees and buildings lie on their side.

Wet, gritty asphalt warms my cheek.

I’m shuddering in bed, now, amazed that I’m experiencing this horrifying scene as if I was there in this moment! How can that be?

He wrapped the pillow over his head and curled up with his knees beneath him.

Blaring trumpets announce a triumphal entry.

“Jeremiah . . . Jeremiah . . . Jeremiah,” penetrates rolling thunder.

Who is speaking? Who is Jeremiah?

His heart raced. He squeezed the pillow, trembling and gasping. He would not open his eyes, afraid that It was in the room.

What happened to me? And where was I? Or is this It tormenting me? Is It in my mind, too?

“Do not be afraid. You are not alone. I am with you.” Those words. Unmistakable. Audible. They boom in stereo from within the storm that’s fulminating in my mind!

His body twitched as if something were fighting to escape from within.

I am with you, murmured a warm, comforting voice in his head.

The tremors stopped, and long, deep breaths calmed him.

As the movie reel continues in my mind, this is what I see, but I still do not understand when or how this has happened . . . or is it a premonition of my future? Oh, my God!

My cheek rests on hot, wet, rough pavement. I scoot arms underneath my chest and press up against my body’s dead weight, draw knees to my waist, and stand. Power and strength course through me, electrifying every bone, every fiber, every cell. My clothes become dazzling white and blaze with light. Pure peace washes through me like a current flowing from the top of my head, down my arms and chest, shuddering me to my toes. Above, the glowing cloud parts and brilliance blinds me. But. I am unable to take my eyes off the light.

“You have received the power of my Spirit. You will be my witness wherever you go. Receive me as your first love, and you will be a new creation, a new man.” The voice again. This time, crystal clear, not shrouded by a thunderclap.

I am in awe of the light’s presence. Everything is brilliant white, including me, as if I have disappeared, consumed by the light. I raise my arms. I feel that movement, but I only see the light. The feeling of warm oil pouring over my head, trickling down my cheek, the back of my neck. Warmth filling my belly. How strange. I soak in the glory of the light, filling with its strength.

The movie has stopped. Or is it continuing in time with me enveloped in brilliant white . . . forever? Is that what happens when you die? What is this movie, this vision, showing me? The dramatic contrast between heaven and hell? Light versus Darkness?

Is hell the dearth of everything, a soul imprisoned in total darkness without any sensation? Is heaven the essence of everything, a soul liberated to live in total light, with every good sensation imaginable?

An eternity without light would be endless torment.

An eternity in the light would be endless joy.

For how long did I experience the light? I do not know. Minutes? Hours? The sensation within me now, a feeling of total void, yet wholly filled . . . as if someone has suspended time.

Jeremy smiled, hugged his pillow tightly to his chest, took a deep breath, and slowly let it out as the brilliance faded, and his mind drifted . . . and fell . . . asleep.

PURSUIT – A Matter of Choice: A Novel – Chapter 1, Scene 1 – Darkness

 

Friday Evening, March 3, 1989

Darkness. Complete void of light.

            

I can’t feel anything, but I am aware of my thoughts. Is my head severed from my body? If so, I’d be dead. Is this the experience of dying, or is this death itself? Would my soul be aware if I’m gone from this world? At any moment, will my mind click off? Am I paralyzed? I cannot move, no sensation, no smells, no sounds, as though I’m in a cocoon hibernating until the next stage of life begins. Is this the afterlife when the soul leaves the body, suspended in Purgatory awaiting the Judgment that sends me to heaven or hell? Or is this hell, the dearth of everything, a soul imprisoned in total darkness without any sensation?

An eternity without light would be endless torment.

Darkness flashed to pure white light. The brilliance faded. An image developed in his mind like a photograph in a darkroom’s tray—fingers reaching for a mangled hand twisted and broken, smashed with empty sockets, knurls of boney white, and jagged edges of torn flesh.

This was the day of Jeremiah Cristi’s reckoning.

—

Saturday pre-dawn, March 4, 1989

Thunder boomed. Wind howled. Rain pelted. Jeremy bolted upright in bed, panting. His gaze darted around the dusky room. Where am I? Digital red numbers glowed—4:44. The outline of a pyramid of cans in the corner. Closed door. A desk piled with books and papers. TV at the foot of the bed.

Lightning flashed and illuminated a poster of a prism refracting white light into a spectrum of rainbow colors. He glanced up at the wall nearest him—the image of a supermodel gazing over her bare shoulder and back, an arm covering her nipple, seemingly studying him.

Fury hurled rain against the window. Breaths rapid and shallow, a shiver crept over his shoulders, down arms standing hairs, goosebumps pricking up. His back tightened, sensing—

Something.

Body chills, clammy palms, icy fingers, roiling stomach. He forced a swallow. Throat dry, mouth sour, breaths now sucking in and bursting out.

He flinched at the sound of toppling cans. Heartbeat skipped, then galloped.

Silence. Wind and rain had ceased.

Eerie. Foreboding. Silence.

Something is in here. The air is electrified. It’s just a storm. It’s just a storm . . . It’s just a. . . .    

A fluttering—swoosh, swoosh, swoosh—churned oppressive vapor clouding the room . . . duskier . . . murkier . . . inkier . . . swirling closer, tighter . . . clenching . . .

His throat.

He grabbed around his neck but found nothing but air. Nothing but the feeling of something wringing his neck, constricting tighter and tighter against his Adam’s apple as his butt lifted from the bed. Clawing, he sought whatever It was that choked off his breath. His lungs tugged and tugged on his closed windpipe. He strained his arms above his head in search of a rope to break It loose but found nothing there.

It intensified the vice-like pressure—nose gorged, eyes bulged, eardrums sirened.

Fingernails dug. Jeremy scraped and scratched and tore against the invisible noose that stretched his neck, his fingers tacky with oozy slime.

Head pounded—baboom, baboom, baboom.

Drippy nose, sticky lips, the taste of blood. Nostrils tinged with sulfur’s foul fumes.

Eyes burned, ready to explode.

Ears pulsed—vavoomp, vavoomp, vavoomp.

Face drenched from fierce, sauna-like heat.

His vision blurred.

Walls pulsated with each beat of his heart . . . faster . . . faster, faster.

He willed his legs to move, to stand up and fight back, but no response.

His hands fell from his neck, arms lame and lifeless.

Fear rose like a tsunami wave, stretching, reaching, curling— engulfing him. He fought against its pressure and turbulent force, his arms and legs writhing and thrashing in a convulsive final effort to save himself from drowning.

Depleted of life-sustaining oxygen, chest ready to explode, mouth coppery, bladder released—

And then . . . he gave up the fight to live.

Whatever It was, it clenched him upright and stretched his neck taut but left his shoulders sagging from a crippled body.

Darkness. Complete void of light.

I’m gonna die.

His mind exploded with intense light, fading to reveal a massive, bucking bull, a cowboy somersaulting in the air, hat twirling and floating down to arms and legs splayed. The bull bucked high, the beast crushing the cowboy’s hand.

His throat clenched a scream.

A roar penetrated the room.

A lion’s roar . . . outside the door!

Eyes bulged. Vision blurred. Walls hemmed in closer . . . closer . . . closer. The shadowy room faded until only the closed door remained, trimmed with a line of light.

Boom!

Blinded by the light.

Deafening crack of bone-splitting thunder.

Piercing, blood-curdling scream from within the radiance.

Eyes stung from acrid smoke.

Glass shattered.

Whoosh! Air sucked from the room.

He fell to the bed.

Blackness. Dead silence.

I’m dead.

No. Dizzy, spinning, falling . . . falling . . . faster, faster.

Falling to my death.

Caught. Secured by . . . what? No crash. No smash. Safe?

Floating down as if suspended from a parachute.

A sprinkle of dazzling dots and crisscrossed, lit lines.

Circle of bright lights.

An open-air arena filled with a crowd in the stands.

Hovering above as if snagged in a treetop.

Cowboy and horse round up a bull and direct it through a chute.

A body . . . face down in the dirt corral.

Timer’s green lights 08 00.

I can’t make out the man’s face.

I must help him.

Is he dead?

Body of Time

Time marches on. The Body of Time continues to move forward. Each Day of Past is represented by a warrior and thousands of seasoned soldiers representing the Body of Time that congregate outside the walls of 2025. The Days of Past are divided into seven groups, each bearing the flag of their tribe that graphically depicts their commonality as Days in the Body of Time.

At the forefront is the tribe of Destiny, a vibrantly jeweled collection of Days that travels Time on a precisely defined path into the Future. This band of warriors has a common purpose: to overcome any obstacle in Time and reach their eternal destination. A strong-willed army, they focus on a vision of triumph. This glory propels them through their circumstances to reach the Promised Land, an eternal Utopia void of sorrow, pain and suffering, broken relationships, heartache, and death. Their leader, the King of kings, rides the sole white horse and is a visible icon of strength and power to all warriors of Time who will receive the Savior as their King.

 

The next tribe of warriors, positioned behind the crown of Destiny and centered amongst the throng outside the gates of the New Year, is seasoned with Experience. These soldiers are a network of intelligence factors, each contributing a specialty of knowledge and understanding from the daily battles the Body of Time has overcome. Experience communicates to the front lines of battle the strategy of Victory, plans culled and developed from lessons learned from shattered dreams, failed relationships, bankrupt financial ventures, and unhealthy lifestyles. A collection of dos and don’ts amassed from a lifetime of successes and failures, this history provides a road map through the journey into the Future.

 

The wing on the right, the tribe of Strength, contrasts sharply with their neighboring tribe of Experience at the head, for their physique is matched by no other except the wing on the left, who, like their brothers in Time on the right, protected this Kingdom of Days with their Perseverance. These two tribes work synergistically to protect and hold the Body of Days together. They move throughout the Body of Time, wherever a battle cry is heard to conquer Despair, the dark enemy of the Past. Despair is wily and sly, with its camouflaged team of snipers and sharpshooters that infiltrate the Body of Time with guerilla warfare. This cancerous invasion could spread quickly without the fortitude of Strength and Perseverance. 

 

Two columns extend from the amassment of tribes that act as a rear guard protecting the Body of Time during their encampment at the gates of the New Year. Composed of Days who previously held rank in the Strength and Perseverance battalions, they are retired from the frontline wings of battle to support the Days with Hope and Faithfulness.

 

During peaceful times, the column of Hope is seen in congregational, intercessory prayer, their swords strapped to their sides while lifting petitions for the entire Body to the Father of Time: pleas for healing and comfort, sustenance and protection, wisdom and discernment. From sunrise to sunset, audible appeals are heard throughout the Body. Round the clock, they continue their communion with Father. At dusk, they quiet to silent meditation as Knights of the Great Banquet Table take their positions for the night watch and continue the prayer chain in silence, broken only by their hourly call of “all is well” in unison.

 

Each new Day, as the sun crests over the horizon, Faithfulness adds harmony to the prayers of Hope, a chorus of “Hallelujah!” ringing towards Heaven, and praises of worship to their Creator and Provider, the One and Only, the All in All. This band of Days is survivors, honorable comrades wounded in battle, those afflicted with disease and healed, warriors of Yesterday, yet capable with their strength in Faith to overcome the enemy of Despair. The blend of prayer and praise adds Spirit to the entire Body, their symphony of voices heard by the crown of Angels of Destiny and its jewel, the King of kings, at the head of this great Kingdom. 

At the heart of this Body of Believers are Days of Love. Protected on all sides by Strength and Perseverance, Hope and Faithfulness, guided by Experience, and led by Destiny, this tribe of families, generations-long, sustains the entire Kingdom. Its members circulate Life throughout the Body, delivering food, clothing, and supplies. They act as vessels of encouragement, sending letters of requests and praise, testimonies of Father’s faithfulness to provide and protect, and the Good News of grace, mercy, and forgiveness---a message of His Love for all the Days of their lives.

 

The Body of Time is unlike the herds that roam the wild where the weak, aged, and diseased fall behind and become prey to the enemy—Death—who continually pursues them. Death serves a purpose for the Body of Time, a means for eliminating the Days that become useless: Days that completed their roles to develop experience—days of hate and malice, strife and anger, discontent and frustration, loss and failure, worry and hopelessness.

Time marches on. While camped at the gates of 2025, the Days knew that to move forward into the New Year, unhindered by the Past, only the seven Days—Destiny and Experience, Strength and Perseverance, Hope and Faithfulness, and Love—should pass through into the New Year. Alas, it is difficult for the Body of Time to let go of Days not yet devoured by Death, Days that linger in the Past; their usefulness is gone, yet the heart of Love is bound still. 

The King of kings, riding His white horse across the front lines of Destiny, posts the noblest Knights at the gate’s columns and gives the command, “No Day shall pass through this gauntlet of Time that does not bear the name of Destiny, Experience, Strength, Perseverance, Hope, Faithfulness, or Love.” With His staff held high above His flowing white hair, he reigns the white horse on its hind legs and orders the gates of the New Year to open. 

~May your New Year become a blessing of Days of Destiny and Experience, Strength and Perseverance, Hope and Faithfulness, and Love. As you ponder this metaphor on Time and the Days of your life, consider the Days that should be left behind, holding onto the good of each Day, logging Experience, marshaling Strength, concentrating Perseverance, building Hope, fueling Faithfulness, giving Love, and following Destiny. Have faith in your Savior, Jesus Christ, and allow Destiny to lead you throughout the New Year. 

 

These words, stellar rhema, were inspired by the Holy Spirit and scribed by Jeff Cambridge. All praise to the King!

© Jeff Cambridge 2024

I Will Give You a New Heart

 

To be honest, which means I'm being vulnerable with you…

We tend to hide the truth if it makes us look bad, weak, wrong, or—fill in the blank with your personal reasons.

I know I have. The truth is…

I've only shown y'all one side of me—the good side, the side you might want to associate with, or the side you can relate to. Maybe I'm not your best bud—we have only one or just a few—because being the BFF with someone is a niche, not a basketful of treats like we get trick-or-treating.

But frankly—yeah, that means I'm about to open up…

Got your attention now?

Yeah! What's the scoop with you?

Everyone loves (come on, admit it, you do, too) a bit of the inside story. Like, did anyone even consider that Robin Williams was in a chronic state of depression that began with his lonely childhood with absentee parents? He was undoubtedly the funniest guy on earth with the series "Mork & Mindy."

Yet, he represents the mask many of us wear to hide what is truly happening inside our souls.

So, let's be frank about losing a loved one—whether they have passed on to the other side or they are still with us, but the relationship is estranged.

Estranged.

Sounds strange.

But it's all too common.

People we love that don't love us.

And when they are blood relatives, that hurts the most.

What skewers the heart more than anything is when your son(s) and/or daughter(s) are estranged from you as a parent. It should be apparent that this topic is directed at the parent (pun intended). The focus of this topic is not a blame game to dissect and determine who's at fault.

Some of us, in some form or fashion, deal with what could be a debilitating problem for either parent or child or both.

This blog is not a study of the causes but a call for the supernatural healing of hearts. If you want to investigate why people become estranged from each other, you can google "What is estrangement between parent and child."

But so we are on the same page as to what I am referring to, this sums it up:

Estrangement refers to the breakdown or severe weakening of a parent's and child's relationship. This can result in little to no communication, emotional distance, and a lack of involvement in each other's lives.

We all make mistakes, regardless of how "holy" we think we are or whether we consider ourselves a "good" person. But we might need to be made aware of some of those mistakes.

And let's add in the "perception" of the person "perpetrating" the estrangement.

Big words: perception and perpetrating. Let's break down their meanings for the purpose of this blog.

Our perception of someone refers to how we view, understand, and interpret another person. Perception is subjective, as seen through the eyes of the person perceiving another. In other words, perception does not have to match reality.

What is "reality"? In essence, reality is the objective truth, while perception is the subjective interpretation of that truth. For example, two people might perceive the same event differently based on their unique perspectives, but the actual event (reality) remains the same. Our perceptions can be influenced by our beliefs, attitudes, and past experiences, which can sometimes lead to a distorted or incomplete understanding of reality.

The "event" might not have occurred or could have been contrived. In other words, it was made up or staged for a nefarious purpose to denigrate another person's reputation. For example, a divorced parent pits a child against the other parent.

You might see what this thread of thought is sewing: Estrangement can result in the death of a relationship that can be as grieving as losing the life of a loved one.

Which is worse: The grief of a departed loved one, but with the hope and belief to embrace them again in Heaven (assuming that you believe and have faith that Christ has redeemed your soul for eternal life with Him and other believers in Heaven).

Or

The grief of a parent or child estranged from the other, hoping for reconciliation but not knowing that it will ever occur regardless of what you believe or who you place your faith in—because God grants each and every one of us the power of choice. We can choose to love someone or not. Love is a heart issue.

This Bible verse that I read today caused me to muse on divorce, estrangement, death, and love. I hope it inspires you to:

forgive the person with whom you are estranged,

extend an offering of peace,

embrace with loving arms someone who returns after a period of absence.

 

Remember this: Hurt people, hurt people.

Be gracious and merciful with one another and show empathy and compassion to all, for although their situation may differ from yours, we all come from the same God, the I AM who made us in His image. Forgive one another just as God has forgiven you, and love one another just as God loves you.

 

The following is inspired by Ezekiel 35:26 and taken from the app The Bible Verse—

 

God is saying to you today:

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you.

The heaviness that you carry, the burdens that weigh upon your soul,

I will lift them from you and replace them with Peace.

I see the areas of your life where your heart has grown weary,

where Hope has faded and where the struggles of life have hardened you.

 

But know this, My Beloved,

I Am the God

Who transforms,

Who renews,

Who breathes life

into what seems broken.

 

Your heart, though it may feel as though it has turned to stone,

will be renewed by My Touch.

I am removing the barriers

that have kept you from fully experiencing My Love,

and I am replacing your heart of stone with

a heart of flesh,

a heart that beats with compassion,

a heart that is tender to My Voice,

a heart open to the beauty and goodness I bring into your life.

 

Do not be afraid of the change that is coming.

This renewal is not meant to harm you but to draw you closer to Me.

I am preparing you for a new season,

a season where your spirit will soar unburdened by the past.

You may not understand the process right now,

but trust that I am doing deep work within you.

I am reshaping you from the inside out,

creating in you a spirit aligned with My Will,

one that reflects

My Love,

My Peace,

My Grace.

                                                                                         

The struggles you've faced,

the pain you've endured,

I am using all of it to bring about something new.

What once felt lifeless

will now be filled with purpose.

What once seemed broken

will now radiate with wholeness.

As you walk with Me,

you will begin to notice the shift:

Your thoughts will be renewed.

Your outlook will change.

Your spirit will find rest in my presence.

 

This is my promise to you:

I am not only healing your wounds,

but I am also restoring your heart,

giving you a new spirit free from the burdens of the past.

 

Let go of the bitterness,

the resentment and the pain that hold you captive,

for I am replacing them

with Joy,

with Hope,

with Peace that surpasses all understanding.

 

This transformation is a gift from Me to you,

and it is rooted in My deep Love for you.

So, My Child,

open your heart to receive everything I am doing.

Trust that this is the beginning of a new chapter,

one filled with grace and renewal.

I am not finished with you yet.

There is so much more that I have planned for you,

and it begins with this new heart I'm giving you.

 

If you receive this message, comment: "God is giving me a new heart," and share this message with someone who needs to know that---

Transformation is coming.

Transitions - 1: A Walk in the Garden

“Pray that you will not be overcome by temptation.”

Luke 22:40

Change. What causes it? Something that disrupts the present state that results in evolution from the “status quo” to a “state of flux” is a catalyst for change, for instance, the spark that ignites the first flame. During a “state of flux”—when life is fluid, moving, and changing—a series of transitions occurs when people are in between their “status quo” life as usual present and their “never experienced before” future. These transitional events change the lives of the people that the catalyst affects. 

            Transition. What is its importance? Transition is necessary to get from one stage in life to another. Without transition, there would be no “passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another.” ¹ Without transition, the shock of moving from one set of circumstances to another would be too overwhelming, and yet, to effect change, a shock or catalyst must be placed in the present state system.

            Let’s look at Jesus’ transition from His earthly sojourn to His ascension into heaven, where today, He lives, reigns, and sits at the right hand of God.² The scene takes place in the Garden of Gethsemane, where Jesus often met with His disciples.³ All were present except Judas, who, having had Satan enter him, left Jesus and the disciples at the Last Supper table and went to meet with the Jewish leaders to which he would betray Jesus.⁴ Jesus had often used the garden on the slope of the Mount of Olives as a place of solitude for prayer, avoiding the crowds of people continually following Him.⁵ So far, nothing unusual is happening; to the disciples, it’s a “status quo”—as usual—walk in the garden.

Then, accompanied by the disciples, Jesus left the upstairs room and went, as usual, to the Mount of Olives. There, he told them, “Pray that you will not be overcome by temptation.” ⁶

—Christ, the catalyst

Transitions - 1: “A Walk in the Garden” is stage 1 of a 6-part series

* * *

Praise Our Father for the words He has given me.

* * *

Copyright © 2004, 2005 Stellar Rhema Ministry

2016 by Jeff Cambridge

2024 bycambridge @ BrokenVav Media

References

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189.  All rights reserved. 

1.   Webster’s Dictionary, italics added

2.     Luke 22:69, Acts 1:3,9, 2:30-36, 7:55-56, Romans 8:34, Colossians 3:1, 

      Hebrews 1:3, 8:1, 10:12, 12:1-2, 1 Peter 3:22

3.     John 18:1-2

4.     John 13:2,27, 30, 18:3, Matthew 26:14-16

5.     Matthew 14:23, Luke 6:12, 9:28, 22:39-40, John 18:1-2

6.     Luke 22:39-40 

Steps of Redemption - 7: Restored

 “…strengthen and build up your brothers.”

Luke 22:32

The Adventures of Peter - Last Days begins with “Steps of Redemption - 1” posted on this blog.

This is the conclusion of that story...

I sat on the pier threading the rope and knotting it as I repaired the net, a tool of my trade, a fisherman of Galilee. The sun beat down on the dock, my face shielded by a wide-brimmed hat, a hallmark of those valued for their catch of the day. I instinctively prepared for the task at hand, a night of fishing with the band of brothers that now had a unique and precious bond—we had previously left our nets and followed a man we came to know as “the Messiah, the Son of the living God,”¹ traveled with Him while He preached the Good News of forgiveness of sins, and experienced the prophecy fulfilling His earthly sojourn to His death on the cross and His divine resurrection three days later. These events were difficult to comprehend, and my understanding was limited only by my efforts to make things happen.² I had to surrender, to surrender to the Man of God, who we called Rabbi, our Teacher—Jesus.

Peter was a leader, respected among them for his take charge, prepared-for-anything attitude, and zeal to overcome any obstacle to achieving his goal. He would push them to fish during the cool night until dawn to fill their boat to capacity. Yet, as he mended his net in the heat of the day, all of this seemed so futile and unimportant. When his earthly journey ended, for what would he be remembered—Simon, the great fisherman? 

Peter—the chief leader who deserted and denied the Son of God—had failed the One he chose to follow, and the shame within him shook the foundation of faith that Christ acknowledged when He said, “Upon this Rock I will build my church.”³ Fishing for mullet seemed so much easier than becoming a “fisher of men,” as Christ had called him to be.⁴ He was looking forward to the still of the night and the gratification of the catch he anticipated, hoping that a return to the trade he knew best would help him make sense of the last few weeks … and the change he felt within.

 ◊     ◊     ◊     ◊     ◊

When Jesus first appeared to the tight group of Believers that had encamped behind closed doors,⁵ the Son of God had already shown His glory to Peter—the first apostle to witness Christ resurrected from the dead.⁶ Peter had been the one to whom God had revealed that Jesus is “the Messiah, the Son of the living God,”⁷ and he had been singled out as the one first to restore the faith that had been “sifted like wheat” by Satan.⁸ Yet, although he believed in Christ’s resurrection and all of the power, miracles, and forgiveness that only the Father and the Son freely give, he still would not surrender to Jesus and allow Him to take from his heart his burden of desertion and denial—he had yet to repent and turn to Jesus for forgiveness.⁹

His failure was in conflict with his pride. His weakness in the flesh was in a battle with his strength in the Spirit warring against the evil tormentors of sin. But a transformation began when he experienced Christ after His death and resurrection.  He was experiencing the dying of his pride—the death of his sin—as Christ breathed on him and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.”¹⁰ The divine power that he felt growing within brought death to his sin and overcame his pride, now weak from the humbling experiences of brokenness.¹¹

◊     ◊     ◊     ◊     ◊

“I’m going fishing,”¹² Peter called out to the brothers who’d gathered on the pier throughout the day. He was ready to move on with his life—if he was a failure for Christ, he certainly wasn’t about to fail at his passion since childhood.

“We’ll come, too,” they all said.¹³ He wasn’t sure what their response might be. He no longer presumed his charge, not since the denial, but he was thankful that this band of brothers did not desert him as they all did to Jesus when they fled from the olive garden the night of their last supper with their Master.¹⁴ Maybe that was what kept them together—the remorse of leaving behind their teacher and friend. Misery sought company, and they all needed a night of camaraderie and fulfillment from a catch that filled their nets—but they caught nothing all night.¹⁵

Peter sat in the boat, his back against the gunwale as he contemplated this night void of any reward for their efforts. He had decided to head back to the pier, hoping to dock before daybreak, before any other fishing boat returned, to avoid the embarrassment of returning empty-handed. This was unlike their typical fishing expeditions, where they would return with a prize catch. His spirit was weary. The burden of failure he carried was taking its toll. The more he tried to shoulder it and overcome the hole in his pride by filling it with tried and true accomplishments, the less capable he proved to himself to lead and strengthen his brothers. They all were sullen and somber. A cloud of defeat hung over them like an overcast day.

The rocking of the boat as it rose and fell over the roll of the waves relaxed him. His head drooped to his chest, and he drifted into a nap before docking. But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen and build up your brothers.¹⁶ Peter abruptly awoke as he continued to hear a still, small voice from within. I am praying for you. Repent and turn to me. Your faith shall not fail. Strengthen your brothers.

How long had he been napping?  It seemed like he had just closed his eyes, yet he could see across the sea as dawn’s light radiated on the horizon. This new day reminded him of a previous one where Jesus had used his boat to teach the multitudes congregating on the shoreline.¹⁷ It amazed him how, when Jesus spoke, all of them on shore could hear clearly every word He said as if He were standing next to each one of them.

“Friends, have you caught any fish?”¹⁸ Peter jumped up, startled at the break in the recollection of his memory due to the sound of a voice that seemed to come from just over the side of the boat. Looking to shore, he saw a man waving towards them. Several of the brothers yelled out to him, “No,” as they were about one hundred meters from shore.¹⁹ Yet the man’s reply came as if he were standing among them in the boat, “Throw out your net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you’ll get plenty of fish!”²⁰

Peter’s mind raced to the vision of the memory he had moments ago before this voice interrupted him. He pictured their Master in this same boat speaking to a crowd on the beach, and when Jesus  finished speaking, He said to him, “Now go out where it is deeper and let down your nets, and you will catch many fish.”²¹

Without hesitation, he began to throw out the net over the right side of the boat, and as it sank beneath the clear water, they saw their net fill with a prime catch. At that moment, Peter and John looked at each other, their eyes wide with anticipation, their minds playing the same memory, the void in their hearts filling with their love for their Master.

“It is the Lord!” John said to Peter. Grabbing his tunic, for he had stripped for work, Peter quickly put it on and jumped into the water to swim ashore.²²

Standing on the beach dressed as a fisherman and with his own catch, the Master knelt down to stir the coals of fire, fish laid on it, and bread set to the side.²³

“Now come and have some breakfast!” Jesus said.²⁴

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The camaraderie and breakfast with their Master not only filled their appetite, but the once despondent disciples were now filled with joy. They gathered by the boat sorting out their miraculous catch, talking about memories together with Jesus among them. Laughter rolled from the bunch as Jesus and Peter remained by the fire, Peter poking absently at the coals with a stick, his thoughts focused on his dream on the boat and the still small voice saying, Turn to me.

Then Jesus said, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” referring to the other disciples.²⁵ When Jesus asked him this, He was asking about the active love His people are to have for God, each other, and even enemies²⁶—unconditional love.

Without hesitation and answering Him with affectionate brotherly love, Peter replied, “Yes, Lord, you know I love you,” ²⁷  His heart began to stir. But he heard a tormented voice in the back of his mind—I don’t even know the man! ²⁸—his first denial that he was one of Jesus' followers.

“Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him.²⁹

Peter looked at his Master for clarification, a question on his face about the purpose of Jesus’ request. His thoughts conflicted with Jesus’ words.

Jesus repeated the question: “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”³⁰ This time, Jesus meant the love that one has for a brother.

Peter’s eyes grew sad as his mind took him to the courtyard of Caiaphas, the High Priest, where Jesus was first tried, and he heard himself say, I am not! ³¹ denying a second time that he was one of Jesus' disciples. Peter fought against this memory, words of denial and emotions of shame, as his vision became blurry from tears beginning to swell in his eyes.

“Yes, Lord,” Peter paused as he cleared the lump forming in his throat, “You know I love you.”³²

“Then take care of my sheep,”³³ Jesus said looking into Peter’s eyes as He did that night when the rooster crowed. Peter saw in the eyes of Jesus—the Son of God that he denied knowing three times—the same compassion that He portrayed for him the last time they had broken bread together. But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. These words of comfort floated through his mind.

A third time, Jesus asked him, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”³⁴ Jesus reached out to him, touching his hand, and the same strength overcame him as it did that day when he sank beneath the waves of doubt and skepticism when he cried out—Save me, Lord! ³⁵ 

He felt the power of Christ lifting from him the burden of shame, the guilt of denial, the fall of defeat, and the sorrow of desertion. Peter let go of all that he had been holding onto out of pride and self-confidence that he could overcome this spiritual battle with his own earthly power. At that moment, he gave Christ the authority over his life, his destiny, and his mission on earth.  He felt the glory of God filling every inch of his frame as he blubbered, as tears of grief flooded his eyes, and as his heart cried out—Forgive me, Lord!

Sobbing, he said, “Lord, you know everything. You know I love you.”³⁶

Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep. The truth is, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked and go wherever you wanted to. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will direct you and take you where you don’t want to go.” Jesus said this to let him know what kind of death he would die to glorify God. Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.”³⁷

The Rock was restored. The baton was passed. And now it is being passed to you. What, then, will you do to follow Christ?

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“ I have been given complete authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”³⁸ —The Risen One

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  “The Adventures of Peter-The Last Days”

This story is Step 7 of a 7-part series.

Previously posted:

Steps of Redemption - 1: Stumbled

Steps of Redemption - 2: Vulnerable

Steps of Redemption - 3: Broken

Steps of Redemption - 4: Comforted

Steps of Redemption - 5: Singled Out

Steps of Redemption - 6: Believed

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 Praise to Our Father for the words He has given me.

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Copyright © 2004, 2005 Stellar Rhema Ministry

2016 by Jeff Cambridge

2024 bycambridge @ BrokenVav Media

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References

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996.  Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189.  All rights reserved. 

Verses marked NKJV are from The Holy Bible, New King James Version, copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers. 

1.     Mathew 16:16

2.     Luke 24:45

3.     Matthew 16:18

4.     Matthew 4:19 NKJV

5.     John 20:19

6.     Luke 24:34, 1 Corinthians 15:5

7.     Matthew 16:16

8.     Luke 22:31

9.     Luke 22:32

10.   John 20:22

11.   Romans 6:5-11

12.   John 21:3

13.   John 21:3

14.   Matthew 26:56

15.   John 21:3

16.   Luke 22:32

17.   Luke 5:3

18.   John 21:5

19.   John 21:8

20.   John 21:6

21.   Luke 5:4

22.   John 21:7

23.   John 21:9

24.   John 21:12

25.   John 21:15

26.   Strong’s Concordance, KJV, pp. 1587.

27.   John 21:15

28.   Luke 22:57

29.   John 21:15

30.   John 21:16

31.   John 18:17, 25, 27

32.   John 21:16

33.   John 21:16

34.   John 21:17

35.   Matthew 14:30

36.   John 21:17

37.   John 21:17-19

38.   Matthew 28:18-20