“…that your faith should not fail.”
Luke 22:32
He awoke curled up against a rock amongst the lush growth of the garden. It was still dark, yet the twilight of dawn seemed close at hand; the stars had lost their brilliance from the night before. He had laid down in the same spot that James and John and he were told to watch and pray together as Jesus in solitude prayed just a stone's throw away.1 His mind was foggy. Thinking was a struggle.
Where are James and John? His thoughts groped for clarity. Together they had fallen asleep unable to pray as Jesus instructed, their hearts deep with sorrow from the evening’s teachings and the expectation that something dreadful would happen to their King. Jesus had spent several hours after Judas had left the upper room, teaching them of things to come, praying for them and predicting events that would change their lives forever. Sleep was the great escape from the depression they felt knowing that the person that they had followed since the day they had left their fishing nets was troubled and deeply distressed, expressing His emotions openly saying, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and watch with me.”2
Where are James and John? He wondered. Had they gone a little further to were Jesus went to pray?
Before the rooster crows you will deny me three times,3 Peter shuddered at the voice of Jesus that came to his mind. With desperation he got to his feet and called out, “John … John … where are you and James?”
Put away your sword. Those who use the sword will be killed by the sword.4 He froze in his steps as the night’s events began to unfold in his mind. Was he dreaming? The cool breeze of the coming dawn forced his mind to the reality that he was alone, yet his mind was not. He was troubled, distressed, and confused. Hadn’t Jesus just admonished him in distress, saying, “Couldn’t you stay awake and watch with me even one hour? Keep alert and pray. Otherwise, temptation will overpower you. For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak.”5
Temptation will overpower you … temptation … temptation … will overpower you! Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to have all of you … Satan … have all of you … to sift you like wheat … sift you … sift you … sift you!6 The pressure in his head was intense as the words of Jesus echoed in his mind.
He jumped, startled by a woman’s voice. Aren’t you one of his disciples? Aren’t you … Aren’t you?77 He grabbed his head, covering his ears, doubling over, rocking back and forth, “No … Nooo …NOOOOOO!” He screamed, as he heard his voice in his head, I am not … I am not,8 the curses and swearing swelled up as the vision of the high priest’s courtyard became as vivid as if he were standing there now.
I swear by God, I don’t know the man!9 “AAGGGHHHH!” he yelled. The events of the night flooded his mind as he fell to the ground weeping, sobbing, and curling into a fetal position, falling asleep once again, and wishing he had died by the sword.10
◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊
He didn’t know how long he had been there, his eyes closed, rocking back and forth, grimaced by the pain in his heart. The sounds of birds chirping broke through his agony as he opened his eyes to find the dawn of a new day. The night was gone, the darkness of evil washed by the morning star, the torment in his mind swept away like a storm blown out to sea. This interlude of calm reminded him of the power that Jesus had over the tempest, the winds and the sea obeying his rebuke.
Why are you fearful, O you of little faith,11 the voice in his heart brought comfort as he saw a vision of Jesus stretching out His hand to catch him when he sank beneath the waves, O you of little faith, why did you doubt?12 He saw himself reaching for Jesus as He pulled him up, standing there beside Him, the wind blowing, the waves churning, yet unnoticed by him as he kept his eyes on Jesus.
His vision moved to the upper room where he also was looking into His eyes, Jesus capturing his complete attention, saying “But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers.”13
Praise to Our Father for the words He has given me.
Copyright © 2004, 2005 Stellar Rhema Ministry, 2016 by Jeff Cambridge
References
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
1. Luke 22:39-41
2. Mark 14:33-34
3. Matthew 26:34
4. Matthew 26:52
5. Matthew 26:40-41
6. Luke 22:31
7. John 18:25
8. John 18:25
9. Matthew 26:74
10. John 13:37
11. Matthew 8:26
12. Matthew 14:31
13. Luke 22:32
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