I awoke not knowing where I had been. The dream with Adelina was gone, the morning sun full on my face. Exhausted, muscles tight, anxiety clouded my thoughts of Jessie, then of Dre. I feel that it was a good dream, for I felt love for her and longed to see my son. Then, reality set in. Jessie and Dre are dead. I never had a good conversation with Jessie, any that I can remember. Before her diagnosis of terminal cancer and while we were separated, she requested to talk with me. She wanted to respond in person to my letter of apology. I wanted to close the door of the past and move on knowing that I had reconciled my wrongs, at least in my own heart; she has her own choice to forgive and forget.
Why would I hope that her request to talk to me was an invitation of love and kindness? I felt the snare, drawing me close, my heart opening, anticipating love. Armor down, she would pierce my heart and fill my mind with killing words.
What would I want to tell her?
“I still love you.” Love. Love. Love. All you need is love. John and Paul sang in my mind with the trumpet melody of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. “I just want to be your friend and for you to treat me as a friend.”
What was I feeling as the emotions unloaded, the tears welling in my eyes? I longed to feel the love between them that I witnessed in “A Walk In The Clouds.” Pure love, two finding each other, neither looking for the other, both caught in their present circumstances, he married, she with child and without a husband. They could not have each other, but they could not do without one another.
Times change. He went back to his wife to find her with another man and a divorce petition ready for his signature. Happy with this about-face of fate, he returns to the vineyard to find a drunken father seething to kill him. Fire destroys the vineyard, the family devastated. Yet, this tragedy draws everyone together. The father’s anger, the cause of the fire and their lost livelihood. The young man remembers the grandfather vine, its root still alive. Life begins anew, two hearts becoming one.
After watching, “A Walk In The Clouds,” I was suddenly struck with the desire to delete all images of Jessie on my computer and flash drive. Agonized, as I had to click on each of the one thousand thumbnail photos that I did not want to see. She was a photographer for gosh sake, and she loved herself. One image remains seared in my mind. Jessie is wearing a white Nautica cap as she looks out on the water, sunglasses reflecting as she holds the tiller of the sailboat. I wanted to save it, but I was letting go; not one image left, but those in my mind remain.
I want to move on. Enchantingly beautiful portraits of when she was young and full of love. Now, all that remains is the dead shell of a body slowly rotting.
After watching, “If I Stay,” the following night, the image of her in the white Nautica cap appeared in my mind. Emotions pierced my heart. I wanted to talk with her. But she was gone. Dead, yet, praise is to God, she accepted Jesus as her savior in the last 60 seconds of her life. One minute of paradise. The photographs that I deleted were all I had left of her, yet how can I erase 21 years of life? I cannot.
Our relationship was toxic. Like the fire that destroyed the vineyard, all that remained was the root of its origin. From that source, life would begin anew. My heart has been through the fire, yet what is left is the root of love. The past is gone. The consuming crucible that allowed me to move forward destroyed all that is evil and good except the root of the True Vine. I am moving on, yet, I am not without a heart of love.
“It’s time to plant that root.”
I smile as I hear the words.
Everything has a purpose. The accidental exchange of tickets brought together the Army veteran and the vinedresser’s daughter. I must leave Tuscany, Italy and leave behind Adelina for now. I have yet to meet her father. I do not know what I will find during my trip to the Black Mountains of North Carolina, but I, Jeremiah, know that I am called to go there.
Jeremiah's Journey – 11: "Root of Love”
Copyright © 2016 by Jeff Cambridge
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The series of episodes of Jeremiah’s Journey begin with “Roses Are For Lovers” published on this blog. Follow me on Facebook @ Jeff Cambridge and join the fans of Jeremiah by subscribing to my blog.
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